If it is April you can count on two things making you question your life choices: the weather and Parade magazine’s annual report of what people make for all kinds of jobs.
Unless you’re willing to move, there’s not much you can do about the weather. On the other hand, unless your immensely talented, was born into wealth or come up with an idea that makes everybody smack their head, you’re probably stuck with whatever job you currently have.
Parade gets what everybody makes by either estimation through work done (rich celebrities) or asking normal people who don’t treat income like government secrets during wartime what they made.
We’ll start looking at those featured on the cover, which is mainly celebrities, though some average people are on there.
Bruce Springsteen is the big boy on the cover, having made an estimated $75 million in 2017. I’m as big a Springsteen fan as you’ll find (ask my wife), but I’m willing to admit he hasn’t had a hit song since the early 1990s so I can only figure he made this money with touring where ticket prices averaged $350. And catalog sales. I suppose young guys still discover “Born in the USA” and “Nebraska” on a regular basis.
Chris Rock, a standup comedian who occasionally pops up in Adam Sandler movies on Netflix, somehow made an estimated $53 million last year. I find Rock funny, but $53 million? How?
Also on the head scratching level, the estate of Albert Einstein made an estimated $10 million last year. This may just be ignorance on my part, but how did that happen? I know his image was used in a TV show last year. Was that worth $10 million? And who gets the money from that picture of him with his tongue stuck out that adorns T-shirts and posters?
Let’s look at some of the “normal” people who made the front cover. A cop, no indication where she’s from, is listed as having made $77,554 last year. That would probably be a real eye-opener to law enforcement around here!
An Uber driver made $25,000 last year. Is Uber something that’s needed around here? I like to drive. I wonder if people would be willing to ride with me?
We also have a wildland firefighter making $18,000, a zoo curator bringing home $33,545 and a makeup artist with a tally of $45,000. Or, the change Springsteen loses in his couch when he sits down.
Opening the magazine, we find an English as a second language teacher who made $45,000, a farmer with $30,594, Tom Petty’s estate bringing in $20 million, a radiologist making $400,000, a physical therapist making $77,000, something called a “tasker” making $25,696 and Mark Harmon from the TV show “NCIS” hauling in $19 million.
It goes on like that, but an interesting sidebar details what jobs are threatened by artificial intelligence and which ones are safe.
If you want to speed up your arrival in the homeless part of town, these are the jobs you need to have that a robot can take. Deep breath: cashier, fast-food chef, telemarketer, bookkeeper, courier, compensation and benefits manager, receptionist, proofreader, bus driver and computer support specialist.
When you get past the term “fast-food chef,” you can let all those expiring jobs sink in.
A much shorter list of jobs that aren’t threatened by the robots from “Westworld:” writer, editor, software developer and graphic designer.
Okay, let’s all say it together: Those aren’t “real” jobs, and none of them will be able to save us from the robot uprising.
Jobs that are expected to stay strong: food and beverage server (waiter, I suppose), janitor, grounds maintenance workers (all those guys hauling five or six lawnmowers around are safe) and construction workers. None of these make much more than $32,000 a year.
But to show you that it really is just a matter of where, and to who, you’re born, Kylie Jenner, Kim Kardashian’s younger sister, is 20 and is listed as having made $41 million last year. I’m not sure what she did last year other than post selfies and star in an abandoned Pepsi ad campaign. Yet, $41 million.
Like her, I was born pretty, but my family was poor. Oh, cruel, cruel fate!