Sometimes you can come across something on the internet that’s meant to show how much better things were back then. One of those things shows an old picture of a kid with a Tonka toy dump truck and the caption, “When I was a kid, you could kill a moose with the toys.” Or something like that.
I know what the picture is talking about. When I was a kid, way back in the 1970s (a time that now officially never happened), I had one of those Tonka toy dump trucks and it was tougher than the family Monte Carlo. I tried to destroy that truck. I rolled it over every kind of outdoor surface you can imagine, ran it into things, including adult ankles, rolled it off the porch and even put my knees in the bed and rode it down the street. Nothing hurt it, though the yellow paint did begin to flake.
It was made of metal and while I don’t think the windshield, if it actually had one, was real glass, it was probably some kind of unbreakable plastic. I don’t remember ever hurting myself with the truck, but I’m sure some kids did and the reaction was probably, “I bet you won’t do that again!”
Such a thing wouldn’t fly today.
As soon as your little angel got the slightest boo boo, the truck would be confiscated, the police would be called and the manufacturer would be sued. Then everybody on social media would start shouting about protecting the children and the next edition of the truck would be made out of marshmallows. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t still dangerous toys! In honor of the holiday coming a week from now, let’s take a look at the most dangerous toys of Christmas 2019 courtesy of World Against Toys Causing Harm, Inc. (WATCH, see what they did there?)
10. Nerf Ultra One. A foam dart game that can shoot an arrow 120 feet and potentially put an eye out. Christmas toys endangering eyes has been a thing since the 1940s.
9. Spike the fine motor hedge hog. Has a bunch of plastic, removable quills that can choke a kid. The bigger danger is a kid realizing it’s not really Sonic the Hedgehog.
8. Bunchems BunchnBuild. Some kind of building game that involves balls. Can get tangled in a kid’s hair.
7. Yeti. A chewable toy for babies that has hair that can be removed then swallowed. Silly. Babies don’t put random things in their mouths.
6. Nickelodeon Frozen Treats Slime. Despite the name, DO NOT EAT THESE! Who knew slime could be inedible?
5. Anstoy Electronic Toy Gun. Apparently looks like a real submachine gun. Sure, send your overactive child out into this world with a toy that looks like a real gun. Why even make something like this?
4. Diecast School Bus. Bunch of small parts that could be swallowed or cause a choking hazard. Diecast usually means metal, so could the age of Tonka be coming back?
3. Something called a Pogo Trick Board that features balls. I’m guessing a skating thing. Not sure skating could be made totally safe, even with the right protective equipment.
2. Power Rangers Electronic Cheetah Claw. Made of a rigid plastic, the manufacturer warns not to hit anybody with them, pretty much negating any real purpose for the toy.
1. Viva Pull Along Caterpillar Toy. Made for babies in cribs with a 24 inch pull cord. If you can’t see what’s wrong here, you probably shouldn’t have a kid.
There you have it. These might be super popular toys, but I’ve never heard of any of them.
But I’m not really the intended target.
I could say that today’s parents and kids are wimps, but these things can seem silly until it happens to your kids.
But I will hold onto my fond memory of the Tonka truck that couldn’t be destroyed. Wonder whatever became of that thing? Probably sitting in a landfill, still as good as new.