It’s Christmas day when you read this, maybe. Or maybe you set it aside and got to it later. Actually, if anybody reads this on Christmas day, I’ll be mildly stunned. I mean, I’m sure you have other things going on.
It’s the Sunday before as I write this and, while recent life changes have taken a little oomph out of the holiday, I can still feel it in the air. So, this might not be the greatest thing I ever wrote, but I’ll make it about the holiday and hopefully it’ll be funny.
I’m sure you’ve spent more money than you intended, it’s kind of a Christmas tradition, but unless you’ve got more money than you need, I’m pretty sure you spent less than it would take to buy all the gifts in the 12 days of Christmas.
Every year PNC Financial Services tallies up how much all those milking maids and leaping lords would cost and this year “The 12 Days of Christmas” rings up to $38,993.59, just 0.2% or $67.56 over the 2018 price. So, if you waited in hopes of getting a lower price, you’re a little disappointed.
“Despite the stock market hitting record highs recently, it is a welcome gift for the holidays that the PNC Christmas Price Index stayed relatively flat this year,” Amanda Agati, chief investment strategist for PNC Asset Management Group, said in a release issued on Wednesday. “However, the scrooges of the season are the gold rings which saw the biggest year-over-year price increase in the index, and prices for some of our fowl friends which are truly foul.”
Gold and geese are raiding your wallet this year, apparently. Some of the findings included:
• The price for Turtle Doves was down 20%, the first drop in price since 2004.
• After falling in 2018 due to less demand and fluctuations in gold prices, Gold Rings rebounded with a 10% increase.
• For the second year in a row, geese saw a substantial rise in price, gaining 7.7%, largely due to an increase of interest in backyard farming.
I know what you’re thinking. Well, I’m sure I can find them much cheaper online. Um: The PNC Christmas Price Index also calculates the cost of “The 12 Days of Christmas” gifts purchased on the internet.
Due to travel and shipping costs, True Loves will have to pony up $42,258.91 — $3,265.32 more than in-store purchases — for the convenience of online shopping this year.
And if you’re a completist, thinking you have to buy all the gifts multiple times because the verses constantly repeat themselves, the news is even worse:
PNC also tabulated the “True Cost of Christmas,” which is the total cost of items bestowed by a True Love who repeats all the song’s verses. Purchasing all 364 gifts requires $170,298.03, down $64.23 from last year.
Aside from the golden rings I doubt there’s anything listed in the “12 Days of Christmas” that anyone would actually want. Would you have to feed the milking maids and leaping lords? Would they stay for all the days they’re sung about? Would you need to get them hotel rooms? They wouldn’t be milking and leaping nonstop for five or six days. I’m sure there’s rules against such things.
I’ll admit I have no clue what the big present is this year. When I Googled hot Christmas presents, I got a hodge podge of stuff that didn’t seem like it would be of much interest to anybody.
The same for Googling hot Christmas toys. Something called LOL Surprise (it involves dolls), some Batman stuff and Paw Patrol, but nothing that was overwhelming, like Furbies or Beanie Babies from years past.
So whatever you get Christmas morning, there’s a good chance it’ll be unique to you. And if you look outside and see cows being milked and a bunch of guys in weird clothes dancing, know that somebody spent a LOT of money on you.