With all the ruminLike most football fans I was front and center in front of the TV Sunday, watching the Super Bowl, wondering if Peyton Manning would shore up his postseason legacy a little by winning that elusive second championship.
But somewhere along the line I realized I’d kinda stopped paying attention. Not enough to not know what was going on (I could predict with numbing regularity just about every play the Broncos ran; ask my wife), but I found myself glancing at my phone, wandering into the kitchen and sometimes just drifting off in my head.
Not because the game was boring. I like a good defensive battle just as much as I like a 45-42 fireworks show. I was bored because, honestly, I couldn’t have cared less about either team.
Yeah, I know. PEYTON! He’s seems like a nice enough guy, but he’s been gone from our fine state for about two decades and he wasn’t from here to begin with. Be honest, aside from commercials or some kind of publicity driven reason, when was the last time you saw him here just to hang out?
And his post-game speeches were so contrived and rehearsed I could hear his haters (and they are vicious for some reason) almost quaking with rage. And I kind of see their point. He hit all the middle America hot buttons (family, God, beer) not once but twice. And he couldn’t just say beer. No, it had to be Budweiser. We’ll overlook the fact he owns parts of Budweiser distributorships in Louisiana and say he really just likes the stuff.
But he still came off better than Cam Newton. Sure, Newton walked across the field and congratulated Manning but it was his news conference afterwards where he spat out a few words then took off, despite the fact the reporters were coddling him with leading questions that would have allowed him to sound as polished as Manning always did in defeat.
It made him seem petulant and childish, especially a year after Seattle Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson faced the heat and answered questions respectfully, taking full responsibility for throwing an interception that would have destroyed the psyche of just about anybody on the planet.
So, what does a person who has a head full of useless Super Bowl trivia do when the game features two teams he simply can’t work up either love or hatred for? Watches the commercials, of course.
Some that stood out: There was the one set in the future where aliens walk through a museum of ancient Earth artifacts, including Scott Baio who is ignored in a glass cage. It was for avocados or something, but I laughed out loud seeing Baio so willing to make fun of himself.
Then there was the puppy monkey baby Mountain Dew ad that just really didn’t make any sense. The drink was trying to say something about three great things together make one awesome thing, but I thought it fell flat on its face.
And then there were all the “Super Bowl” babies singing odd lyrics about being born nine months after the game. Sure, most of them were probably coincidence, but I’m sure somebody thought it was a great idea.
There was another weird Dorito commercial where a soon to be born baby rockets out of the womb to get one of the chips. It actually ran before the Super Bowl so the effect was muted. Dorito swears it’s the last goofy one they’ll make, but I’ll believe it at this time next year.
And the Amazon Echo one with Dan Marino and Alec Baldwin was hilarious in my opinion. The lack of Super Bowls for Marino and Academy Awards for Baldwin used as weapons in a verbal fight made me laugh out loud.
And there was the one with Helen Mirren verbally smacking around people who drink and drive. They deserve a lot worse, but this was good.
There were a lot more, but somewhere along the line I stopped paying attention to the ads as I did with the game. And the halftime show, well, I’ll always enjoy getting to see Beyonce, but Coldplay? With Metallica literally playing right up the road?
Some people say that Metallica wouldn’t go over well with the middle America crowd that likes football. Those people are stupid. There’s a reason hard rock songs are played at football games.
But even if those stupid people are right, would they have really been worse than a mellow British band that admitted they didn’t really know what “American” football was?
But Peyton came out happy, and in the end, isn’t that really all that matters?