I’ve written many times about how unfit (fat) the residents of our great state tend to be.

We’re first (dead last) in how fat and how little exercise we get. It is generally considered a minor miracle, in other states, that the average Tennessean can walk 10 feet without collapsing.

Well, with that in mind, something called barbend.com ranked the top 50 fittest cities in each state. How did Tennessee rank against other states for fittest cities? Hey, we’re here for positive stuff, so never mind that.

You probably won’t be surprised to hear that none of the towns in Monroe County made the top 50 list. In fact, none of them made the complete list of 108 either. But hey, if they’d stretched that sucker out to 200 cities, I’m sure we would’ve come close!

And even though it says cities, they included towns as there aren’t 50 cities in Tennessee. I’m pretty sure no state has 50 cities.

So, let’s look at some of the top 50 cities, most of which I’ve never heard of:

47. Maryville. Looking at some of the numbers, 350 of every 1,000 are obese, 190 of every 1,000 smoke, you’d think there was no way Maryville would make the list, but here we are. The favorite shopping destination of everybody south of Sweetwater does have a lot of greenways for walking and that helps.

43. Clinton. I worked in Clinton about a million years ago. Something has had to change for them to make this list.

41. Oak Ridge. You’d think a city that is almost nothing but federal government would be a lot higher on this list. Not sure why you’d think that, but you would.

36. Loudon. What? None of our towns make it. But Loudon is 36th? I call shenanigans!

33. Cleveland. Cleveland’s in shape? Really? The town with every unhealthy restaurant known to man, including Golden Corral?

31. Lenoir City. Oh, Lenoir City, with your burning desire to be Farragut. Don’t worry. Some day Knoxville will annex you.

25. Union City. I know nothing about this place. I just find it hilarious that a town in Tennessee is named Union City.

22. Tellico Village. I know what you’re thinking. Isn’t the average resident of Tellico Village 93 years old? And is Tellico Village actually an incorporated municipality? The answer to the first question is yes. The second one, I don’t know, but I’ve never heard of a mayor or city commissioner from Tellico Village.

19. Chattanooga. Finally, a big city (Knoxville and Nashville didn’t make the top 50). Honestly, though, their numbers aren’t much different from all the small towns.

18. Soddy Daisy. I just like typing Soddy and having spell check actually say it’s a real word.

13. Memphis. Another big city. But it’s numbers are only a little better than Soddy Daisy’s.

11. Bristol. I don’t understand Bristol. Is it a town? A city? Is it in Tennessee or Virginia? They have a high obesity rate and a high number of smokers. How’d they hit number 11?

8. Jackson. I think Johnny Cash sang about Jackson somewhere along the line. They’re also fat and smoke a lot.

Top 5:

5. Bartlett, which appears to be a suburb of Memphis.

4. Arlington. Eh, I don’t know. Thought it was in Texas.

3. Lakeland. Looking over the numbers they appear to have a drinking problem. And they’re fat and smoke a lot.

2. Germantown. Close to Memphis. People from there probably claim they’re from Memphis.

And…..

1. Collierville. I know. Where? A little south of Memphis, right on the Mississippi border. They have high numbers in all the categories, but they’re number one. Maybe they have a lot of gyms they can join.

If you want to see the entire list, you can go to https://barbend.com/fit-cities-tennessee/

It’s a fitness website, so be prepared to feel bad about yourself.

In the meantime, let’s all make a vow to have one of our towns be in the top 50 next year. Hello? Anybody?

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