It’s been said the last person you can believe when it comes to your own looks is yourself. You will never face a harsher critic.

This is probably true in a lot of ways, but let’s be honest. We don’t always hate the way we look. For example, I recently caught a look at myself in a glass door the sun was basically turning into a mirror and I thought, “Good lord, is that what I look like?”

I was horrified.

But, a couple of days later, I saw myself in a store window that was a mirror for some reason and I thought, “Hey! I’m holding up pretty well for 54!” I don’t know if anyone else would have agreed, but it gave me a boost.

Popular wisdom would have it that after your mother, the next person to not be critical of your looks would be your spouse. After all, they did agree to marry you, which means they agreed to do, um, other things with you, so of course they find you attractive.

Well, not so fast, partner. According to a study done by yougov.com, the website for all your daily needs, your spouse might not be looking at you as kindly as in days past. But there is good news.

They also say beauty is subjective, so while the random person on the street might wonder how you ever attracted anybody, you’re just what your significant other is looking for.

What is somebody looking for in the person they want to spend the rest of their life with, or at least the next two or three years?

That depends on which side of the aisle you’re looking from. Let’s start with height. This is what yougov.com found:

Women who prefer a taller partner: 63%

Women who prefer a shorter partner: 2%

Men who prefer a taller partner: 6%

Men who prefer a shorter partner: 36%

They don’t give parameters on what is tall or short, but let’s say 5’10 or more is tall for men and 5’5 and less is short for women. You would think that with so many women saying they prefer tall men that having been 6’2 since I was 12 (no, really), I would’ve had my pick of the fairer sex over the years.

I can say, from experience, that being tall makes no difference whatsoever. It’s a giant, and hurtful, lie.

As for men, how preferring a shorter partner wasn’t 100% is beyond me. Men hate being short so much, there’s a name for it. Short man syndrome.

These men, so I’ve heard, do anything and everything to make people forget they’re short. The most famous sufferer of this disease is Tom Cruise who, by all honest accounts, stands 5’5 and does everything possible to appear taller.

Sylvester Stallone is also reported to only be about 5’6, but he can get so muscled up nobody notices.

Percentage wise, there’s not a man alive who wants to be shorter than the woman by his side.

What about weight?

Men who prefer a slimmer partner: 25%

Men who prefer a less slim partner: 12%

Women who prefer a slimmer partner: 11%

Women who prefer a less slim partner: 16%

The wording is key here. They say less slim partner instead of a fat one. And yes, these numbers are small, but that’s because the large majority of people are too scared nowadays to comment on anybody’s weight.

But even with the small numbers, men are saying they want a skinny woman while women wouldn’t mind a few extra pounds. Having spent my life with a “few extra pounds,” I can say this, like the height thing attracting women, is a flat out and total lie.

They asked a lot of questions on this survey like does either sex find armpit hair attractive? Surprisingly some did, though 60% of men don’t like it. And 54% of women don’t like it either, which makes me wonder, what men are shaving their armpits enough for women to know the difference?

When it comes to chest hair, only 28% of women showed a disdain for it. I find this encouraging as in the chest area I am a rather hirsute man. Does having a hairy chest make a difference when it comes to attracting women? Stop trying to make me cry.

If you want to see if you match any of the things the opposite sex finds attractive, you can find the entire list at https://docs.cdn.yougov.com/ykpayawd01/YouGov_Body_Image_Data.pdf

But be ready. There’s a lot there and you may not leave a happy person.

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